Stella Says…Peeps is being naughty

by Stella Ramsaroop

(Originally published in the Kaieteur News on 09 Feb 2006)

Peeping Tom has been acting sort of strange lately. He is usually just so cute that I can’t help but want to rub his adorable baldhead for some good luck. However, here of late he has been behaving quite badly and his baldhead is looking less and less adorable by the minute.

It all started early last month when Peeps thought he would be funny and called my column “fluffy.” I thought this was very ironic coming from a columnist whose primary input seems to be to regularly discount the meaty contributions of the rest of his fellow columnists, but nonetheless, as the newbie on the block, I let this slide since I felt Peeps had the right to keep the young pup columnists in line.

Mind you, his status does not even come close to that of Freddie’s. Peeps is well deserving of a nod of respect to acknowledge the role he has played in society. However, Sweet and Sensitive Freddie merits a fully prostrated bow and kisses on his feet. I want to be just like Freddie when I grow up, but don’t tell him that because he struggles with bouts of narcissism at times when he thinks everything is about him.

Oops, I forgot this column was supposed to be about Peeps (see how easy it is to forget him?). The next strange act concerning me (since I’m sure there were plenty of other strange acts that did not concern me) was when he decided to question my credibility regarding an email exchange my husband and I separately had with David Jenkins a couple weeks ago.

Peeps wanted proof that I was indeed being truthful regarding this email exchange, so I immediately sent him that proof. I also sent the proof to Glenn Lall, the big boss man, and to the editorial staff AND I offered to allow Glenn full access to my inbox if there was anymore question as to the authenticity of the proof I had provided.

I expected Peeps to clear this situation up quickly since he had led others to believe I had lied. I should have known he wouldn’t take the time to clean up his own mess, after all, Peeps expected Bisessar to clean up the mess he himself had made by incorrectly attributing the wrong governmental position to his fellow columnist. As if it was Bisessar’s job to clean up Peeps’ messes!

Peeps did not clean up this other mess concerning me either. It has been two weeks now and there has not been a sigh or a peep from him on the subject, which got me to thinking. Being the sceptic that I am, I started wondering if poor Peeps had been sucked into the PPP propaganda machine. He has been spouting out pro-government statements quite a lot lately.

Freddie rescued me just in time from sure madness when I almost became a convert to the PPP. Perhaps an intervention is in order for Peeps as well! If he has converted, then that would certainly explain why he feels so compelled to take potshots at my credibility since I can be a tad hard on the PPP at times. Maybe Peeps is just trying to help out his party during this is an election year.

Mind you, I have nothing personally against anyone in the government, but I have a job to do. My chief directive is to make sure the government is looking out for the best interests of the people and that it knows its place as merely the employees of the people. Therefore, I cannot sit around worrying about whether I have sent Robert Persaud into another tizzy by something I said in one of my columns.

So if Peeps has truly been converted, it would explain this naughty behaviour here of late. I bet it was those blasted car-watching trips he has been taking lately. It seems to be his new pastime to go to a busy intersection and watch the government officials drive by in their nice cars with drivers. Maybe Peeps decided he wants a nice car and a driver too.

The latest of strange behaviour came this week when Peeps decided to call into question my theory on Hobbes and accused me of creating a new philosophy. If this idea is my own creation, then I am far more intelligent than I even give myself credit.

In the first column I mentioned this idea, I said, “Hobbesian philosophy, which states that the more bestial a populace is allowed to become, the more it will tolerate – yea, earnestly desire – state intervention into almost every aspect of society to control the volatile elements.”

It is from this solid philosophical foundation that I suggested that the PPP could be acting on the notion that if a chaotic society will desire more state control then surely Guyana should have more chaos. Peeps may be right though, maybe the PPP is not operating under this notion, which would only leave one other possibility – can you guess what that is Peeps?

I have been trying to figure out this strange behaviour that materialised since the start of the year from Peeps. Maybe he is upset that no one is emailing him. If so, then perhaps we need to start an email campaign to help our dear friend.

It could be that Peeps thought I have given far too much attention to Freddie and Bisessar since I started writing this column, and he was just trying to get my attention. If that is the case, Peeps, there are far better ways to make friends. I know older men have a tendency to be cranky sometimes, but really now Peeps, this is taking far too much liberty with that old wives tale.

However, my feminine intuition tells me that being a cranky old man is not the real problem. I fear you have fallen into the trap! You have walked into the camouflaged net laid to snare you. Oh, how could we ever live without our precious Peeps!

We must not lose hope, Guyana! Though Peeps does seem to suffer from a multiple personality disorder, I am sure Freddie can find the character who has weakly sold his soul to the propaganda crusade and exorcise that ghastly imp from our precious Peeps. That is, if we can find him as none of us know his identity. We may have a problem there.

I know, we will search every intersection in Guyana where balding men watch cars drive by and cast the spirit of the PPP out of any who pledges their allegiance to the government. I like this plan the best – and hopefully we will find Peeps in the process too.

Email: Stellasays[at]gmail.com