Stella Says…Smart and Sharp Robert should join the circus

by Stella Ramsaroop

(Originally published in Guyana's Kaieteur News on 06 June 2006)

I do not believe there has ever been a comedy show, a clown or a joke that has been able to make me laugh as hard as Robert Persaud’s columns. His column from this past weekend was some of his best material and not even my favourite comedian, John Lithgow, could have made me laugh harder.

This Smart and Sharp Information Liaison to the President, MBA (we are so proud of that MBA) should really think about comedy as a full time career. If he can deliver this type of wonderful material with just the right timing, I am sure he would make a fantastic stand-up comedian and could tour the many rum shops of Guyana.

In case you missed this hilarious piece of comedic writing, do not be disheartened because I simply have to share portions of it with as many people as possible.

Let’s start with one of the best lines of his column, “The PPP/C administration has been renowned for its ultra-democratic tendencies, and the opposition and other elements, know that their freedom and rights under the Constitution will never be knowingly violated.”

Oh my! I’m laughing so hard that tears are running down my face and my cheeks are hurting. The PPP is “renowned for its ultra-democratic tendencies”? Wait a minute - is this the same PPP that proudly sued a newspaper last summer for printing a letter? Is this the same PPP that imposed a vice-chancellor on the University against the protests of the institution’s governing board?

Is this the same PPP that allows the criminal elements to overrun the nation while the law-abiding citizens live in constant fear? This PPP has “ultra-democratic tendencies”? Woo hoo, I need to catch my breath for a second.

I recently took my daughter to see a circus when it came through town and it was a fantastic sight with all the clowns and side shows, but Smart and Sharp Robert beats them all hands down and I didn’t even have to buy a ticket for his hilarious show.

Mr. Persaud then called the joint opposition’s new promotional strategy a “campaign of disruption.” Poor Robert, it seems these opposition groups are disrupting his party’s sense of “democracy” and security. I think the PPP finally got the memo that the upcoming election is not in the bag for them. Poor babies!

The slick Information Liaison even pulled a George W. Bush. He deemed the opposition’s actions as “unpatriotic antics.” This is one of my all-time favourite tricks of those who cannot take the heat from a dissenting or questioning voice. When such spineless people get upset at their challengers, they simply deem them “unpatriotic.”

In fact, Mr. Persaud, I do not believe there is anyone more patriotic in any country than the dissenter. Though I am quite sure the PPP likes to surround itself with yes-men rather than those who would question the daily activity of the governing party. However, do not fool yourselves by believing yes-men to be patriotic – instead they are usually opportunistic power-hungry charlatans.

The most entertaining part of Smart and Sharp Robert’s column is the irony of him heralding the PPP as being so democratic at the same time he steps all over the opposition parties. Shame on you, Robert. Perhaps a refresher course in political freedom is in order, eh?

How can one claim to champion democracy and at the same time ridicule every organised dissenting voice in the country? Who is the unpatriotic one in this whole fiasco now, Smart and Sharp?

The best part of any comedic act is when a joke has been perfectly set up. The PPP’s column would not have been half as funny if Sweet and Sensitive Freddie Kissoon had not written a column just the day before on the semi-fascist and totalitarian tendencies of the government as demonstrated in a recent editorial from the Mirror.

When one takes in the actions of the governing party of the past year and the perfect set-up of Freddie’s column the day before Robert Persaud writes a column on how his party is “renowned for its ultra-democratic tendencies,” this is one joke I simply could not allow to slip by.

Finally, as he ends his column, Persaud declared, “In Guyana, the opposition does not need to look too far on how to behave.” Hee, hee. That is grand! Woo, hoo.

I implore all opposition parties to please ignore this completely asinine statement from Smart and Sharp Robert. Please do not look to the PPP for a democratic behavioural model.

The ruling government provides us with all the comedy relief we need, so there is no reason for any of you to jump in and clown around too. Besides, I just don’t think my cheeks could handle many more of these hilarious jokes.

Email: stellasays[at]gmail.com