The Guyana Groove: How the Guyanese Stella lost her groove

Here's Freddie Kissoon's response to my letter concerning the suit by the President against Stabroek News and Christopher Ram.

The Trinidadian Stella may have been the most pretensive of the three Stellas, though not a bit the least interesting comparatively.

The Mighty Duke sang the story of the Trinidadian Stella. But I found the version of the Jamaican group, the Starlites, more hilarious.

While the Mighty Duke tried to soften up the image of the Trinidadian Stella, it is the reggae interpretation that needs highlighting too. Here are some of the lyrics of the Jamaican depiction of the Trinidadian Stella. The song is called “Soldering.” You will see how soldering drove the Trinidadian Stella to be unfair to her old man:

She say she don't want no young man Cause young man drink too much white rum

She say she don't want no soul man

Cause soul man fast asleep in bed

She say she don't want no dreadlocks

Cause dreadlocks smoke too much Irie

Soldering is wuh de young girl want

When ah check it out, de young back on the scene

When ah check it out, the soul man in de groove

While de old man he watching de move

Soldering is wuh de young girl want

It was because of her love for soldering that the Trinidadian Stella left her old man. But what a duplicitous woman she was. According to the Mighty Duke, Stella told her aging lover that she was going to a wedding, when he saw her all dressed up. The poor geriatric didn't believe her because he suspected that Stella was only interested in soldering.

He followed her and saw her and her young lover about to be pronounced as man and wife in front of a priest. The poor, old romantic threw himself in front of Stella and poured out his soul to Stella, telling the priest Stella is the only woman he loved.

Stella then held her old guy, wrapped him round her arms, and walked out of the church with him, leaving a stunned young boyfriend wondering why Stella turned her back on soldering.

Further North, in the United States , the America Stella went on a Prozac binge because she lost her grooves and wanted them back desperately. The vivacious American Stella went to Jamaica . She picked up a young Kingston youth, twenty years her junior. He gave the American Stella a bucket load of soldering.

The American Stella got her groove back, married her young Jamaican athlete and took him to the US for soldering. She made bucket loads of money by writing her story with her little boy entitled “How Stella got her groove back.” She made more dollars when she sold the movie rights and it was brilliantly played by the subtly, deeply talented Angela Bassett.

Then the American Stella lost her groove again. Four months ago, Stella found out that her junior husband was as vivacious as her and wanted to have soldering just like her. She has sued for a divorce citing his homosexual proclivities which he admitted to in court documents.

But her AC/DC husband is fighting to have a share of the wealth of the American Stella because he (or is it she?) claimed that Stella made a fortune out of their life story.

People, he claimed, would not have bought her books like the top seller, “Waiting to Exhale” if it weren't for the profile she got out of their internationally known romance.

The Guyanese Stella, unlike her Trinidadian and American counterparts, has an interest in politics. But in the process of dabbling in Guyanese politics, she lost her groove. In Guyanese politics, you can also lose your marbles.

Guyanese politics is not for the faint hearted. Even a strong character like Burnham succumbed to a psychotic breakdown. If Burnham could lose his marbles, then anyone else could.

I hope the Guyanese Stella knows that it may be impossible to get her groove back. The American Stella is still looking. Someone said that Guyana is on her watch list. Given the number of young men in Guyana who desire an American visa, the America Stella will certainly get her groove back.

The Trinidadian Stella is in her eighties now. Can the Guyanese Stella get her groove back?

Last week the Guyanese Stella took a dig at me and the Kaieteur News. She wrote a letter in the Kaieteur News and the Stabroek News in which she showed torrid displeasure at the President's libel suit against Christopher Ram.

Let's quote the Guyanese Stella who resents what she refers to as the President's attempt to muzzle Ram. She writes; “The President is suing a newspaper for printing a letter to the editor. My mouth is still wide open in sheer astonishment.”

I hope the Guyanese Stella closes her mouth soon because if she doesn't, she may swallow the marbles she lost. This would be serious because how then can she breathe? The Guyanese Stella is certainly an infatuated person as her Trinidadian and American versions. She doesn't want the President to litigate against Mr. Ram because at one point in her letter, she gets very trenchant in her criticism when she remarks that “Mr. Ram has a right to his opinion…whether this opinion is valid is for the readers to decide.”

Poor Stella from Guyana . At a Freudian level, she obviously believes Mr. Christopher Ram is a superior person to me. Well, I don't mind that. Shall I lose sleepless nights because the Guyanese Stella thinks that Mr. Ram has a greater right to his opinion than I do?

It is alright for Mr. Ram to have free access to his opinion but not me. At one point in her letter, she also shows vexation that the President sued the Stabroek News too. Mr. Ram did not only sue me but also the Kaieteur News. The paper and I will vigorously defend ourselves. We believe we are entitled to publish views that are matter of public importance.

I am going to end with some stories about the right to one's opinion and the importance of the Kaieteur News to freedom in Guyana for your benefit, Stella. When I was a columnist with the Stabroek News, Dr. Hughley Hanoman sued me and the paper. Mr. David De Caires called me to his office and informed me that co-founder of the Stabroek News and its attorney, Mr. Miles Fitzpatrick, will not defend me and that I will have to get my own lawyer, something unthinkable in the newspaper business.

Mr. Khemraj Ramjattan came to my rescue. Co-founder, Mr. Fitzpatrick stopped me from being a columnist with his paper and the paper published an editorial note in which Mr. Fitzpatrick advised its then senior reporter, Ms. Gitanjali Singh, to report me to the police over a disagreement on my dismissal from UG.

I never threatened Ms. Singh but Mr. Fitzpatrick didn't ask me if I did. Then, days later another editorial note appeared. Written by David De Caires, it supported my unjust and illegal dismissal from UG.

My dear Stella, how about that for the right to express one's opinion? There was a time, my dear Stella, when people lined up at the Stabroek News to beg to have their views published. Many were denied.

Now there is the Kaieteur News which carried your letter, Stella. Dr. Anand Daljeet had a letter on UG's Vice-Chancellor, James Rose, rejected by the Stabroek News last week, but he wasn't bothered – Kaieteur News printed it in full.

The Kaieteur News and I are defending our libel suit that Mr. Ram brought against us Stella. In the meantime, I hope you get your groove back.